for want of many a nail
by Grand Phoenix
Summary: You could be so much more, if time and fate would let you. But maybe you can. Maybe. [Post-KH3, vague spoilers, no pairings]


**Notes1:** I have never played _Kingdom Hearts_, mostly because I had the Gamecube and Wii growing up. Well, I've watched the playthroughs for most of the games up to 3D (a couple years before KH3, and I never got around to sitting down to watch the stuff for _358/2 Days_ and _Birth by Sleep_) and read the manga for the first game (which was good but extremely rushed that involved the Disney worlds, but I get the feeling that might've been the point; after all, you've seen the movies, so why redo them all over again?), so that's the extent of my knowledge concerning the series outside of perusing the kh13 website around that time.

But I lurked the /v/ threads for a bit shortly after KH3 was finally released, and...look, I have a lot of feelings regarding the recent criticisms regarding male writers treating their female characters in, say, games and anime and manga (just to make it easier, I'm going to defer to Japanese media because I'm more involved with that than Western media). So much so that it would overtake the word limit on AO3, so I'll keep it short. I actually abhor the sentiment going around that the writers are "misogynistic hacks" because their female characters are either made damsels in distress or don't live up to the hype of being badass. If anything, I think it's insulting to call them as such if this is what a particular story intends for her to act (barring dropping the ball and having a lapse in judgment, that is). It dehumanizes them for going in a direction that doesn't adhere to the ideal fantasy that is conjured in our heads and perpetuates the idea that straight white men can't write women, POC, or minorities for anything. But I've mostly seen that on Tumblr, and I'm not about to dive any deeper into the political implications than I've already touched on.

**Notes2:** I don't know too much about Aqua to give a comment on it as I do with Kairi, but the reaction to what Kairi herself goes through in KH3 compelled me to write a small ficlet that kind of touches on how she'd deal with it all after the base game's ending. I like to think she has a lot of potential to becoming more than what she already is (and might be, if you buy into the "Kairi is Ava" theory), especially in light of the Yozora secret ending; there's room enough for one more KH game by year's end. On the other hand, seeing as Sora is going to continue to be the protagonist in the future, I wouldn't be too surprised if she doesn't get the same spotlight treatment Riku had in 3D. But I'm going to play devil's advocate and say it's way too early to be saying that. Anything can happen, but it's best to keep expectations tempered (because that's what happens when your hype is through the roof after ten years and things don't go how you expected them to).

**Notes3:** I have a Tumblr now. The handle name is the same (Grand Phoenix), and it's mostly reblogging Warcraft art and whatever else suits my fancy. I've an AMA open for prompts or if you want to talk (mainly about Warcraft, since that's the one fandom I'm invested in the most).

* * *

"'This time I'll protect you, Sora.' This time I'll actually get to _do something_. My training won't _go to waste_. It'll all _pay off_." Kairi heaves a sigh, drops her hand to her lap, looks away with a scowl. "Some plan _that_ turned out to be."

"'S not your fault, ya know," Lea says, reaching over for another can of water. Pops the tab up with two fingers; carbonation sparks and hisses, overflows from the opening and settles in a small little pool around the rim. "It was your first time. It's not your fault."

"I froze up, Axel. I just stood there. I—" _I gave up,_ she wants to say. _Caught like a mouse in a cat's paw, __and I couldn't do anything. _Her eyes sting. She clenches a fist, digs her nails into soft skin. (It feels good. It feels much better than the sound of Light screaming, glass shattering.)

"_Hey_," Lea says, firmly. "I said, it's not your fault. And it's not my fault, either, for what happened. Get it memorized, got it?"

"But—!"

"Kid, no one knew it was gonna turn out the way it did. What you think's gonna happen and what does happen are two different things. Destiny can't determine that. The Light and the Dark think they can, but in reality they don't. If they did, then whatever we did in the past, do today, and will do tomorrow won't be us; it'll just be people that look like us."

"Sora's dead because of me!" says Kairi. "And Riku…." She shakes her head. "I could've done so much more."

Lea nods. "Yeah. You could have. I could have, too." He reaches over, takes out another can from the case, holds it in both hands. "It's over and done with."

Kairi sniffs. "Maybe it was destiny for me to fail. Maybe it was destiny for me to not do enough. Maybe—"

"Hey. Stop that. Ya hear me? No amount of time in that realm was going to change the fact that you have never fought in an actual life or death battle and I have never fought people that have not only more experience than me but were clearly going to outclass me. All we can do is move forward, you and I. And if ya still think it's destiny that determines how you're going to go on from here...well, that's on you, Kairi."

"I want to get better," she says, and looks at him. "I want to get stronger. I want to be more than the person I was back then. More than the person I am now. And maybe! Maybe," she adds a little more quietly, "maybe I can bring Sora and Riku back. Maybe I can finally make a difference."

"Maybe you can after all. I mean, I'm here, aren't I? I think we can come up with something. 'S not like you have to do this alone. You got me. You got a whole ton of other people that just came back, too. We'll be good to go when the time's right."

"But will it be enough? Will it ever be the right time?" Kairi turns away and stares off into the horizon from where the sun, crimson in an orange sky, is sinking beneath the hills. A memory comes to her then, layered over the coming twilight: a sky, just like this, but palm trees instead of pine and firs, white sands and ocean waters instead of grass and still, crystal clear ponds. She sits on one arm of a palm shaped like a tuning fork, arm extended with a paopu fruit in hand. Across from her, body blocking the harsh light of the sun from her eyes, Sora does the same thing. He smiles.

_Is this it? Is this what it all came down to? After everything we've all been through, is this how I'm going to spend the rest of my life?_

She struggles to swallow around the lump growing in her throat. Bites the inside of her cheek, her lip, and pays no heed to the tang of copper soaking on her tongue. Hot and sweet, like a campfire sparked to life from the freshest pieces of charcoal.

Something stirs in her chest, fierce and writhing like a beast stirring to wakefulness after a loud calamity that won't let up. It demands release, sustenance. She clenches her fists tighter, tighter, digs her nails deeper, deeper.

_I have to do something._

_I have to try._

_I _have_ to._

_Somehow…_

_Somehow…!_

She breathes in, breathes out. The fire abates. The caw of the birds, small and black winging overhead in the dusk, soothes the creature to a quiet sobriety.

"Won't know until it happens," Lea says. "And we won't know until we try. That's just the reality of things. Here. Finish this off with me first. King Mickey and the others can wait a little longer." He passes her the can of sparkling water.

Kairi stares at it. Lea stares back at her, expectant but patient.

She nods. "Yeah," she says, softly. "Yeah. I guess you're right." She loosens her fists, takes the can, and, after a moment, pulls the tab back. Water fizzes up the top, short of spilling. The daylight catches around the rim and the side of the can.

She closes her eyes and drinks, long and slow.

Their faces gaze upon her, clear yet faded around the edges, like a faded photograph; and when she opens her eyes again they are gone.


End file.
